There are ducks in the bathroom.

I blogged earlier about the rules concerning pets in condos. Today, I came across this blog by the very brilliant David Thorne. It contains an exchange of correspondence that begins like this:

_______________

Dear Helen, 

Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and well-being of my neighbours and I am currently sound-proofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is sound-proof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?  

Helen 

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen, 

Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. 

I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships. For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together.

 I have estimated that the sound-proofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners. I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.

Regards, David.

______________

Hahaha. Very good. I won’t reproduce the entire post here, but trust me, it had me laughing until I cried.  (Suffice it to say that there are ducks in the bathtub, too, but since they are migratory, David doesn’t see it as a problem.) You can read the rest of his blog here.

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